Step-Motherhood

I have been told that being a step-mom would not be easy, but it would get better. I am NOT writing this for you to feel sorry for me, just simply to get it out in a place I know where I can count on my friends to give me good advice and help me stay positive. Also, to be able to show Zach one day how much I REALLY do CARE about him!

I became a step-mom to Brandon and Zachary in July 2005. Shawn and I had dated in 1998 and after we went our separate ways we both married. The lady Shawn married already had a son, Brandon and then got pregnant with Zach, so Shawn and her got married. Brandon's real father was and still is in prison and Brandon and Zach's mother passed away in the year 2002. From day 1 Brandon tried to run me out. Not only was he without his "real" father, now he is without his "real" mother. He did not want me in the picture. Things progressed with Brandon so negatively that the summer of 2007 he decided that he wanted to go live with "blood relatives". We have only seen him 2 times in the past 2 years. VERY SAD for Zach.

Zach began giving me a hard time in 2007...it wasn't too bad, but it just felt like Brandon was prepping him for his exit. I try EVERYTHING that I know how to do to be here for Zach. I do NOT want Zach to EVER forget his mother, but I would LOVE to be treated with just a little respect to start with, then move forward from there. How do I do that, when for the last 2 1/2 years I keep getting pushed away on a daily basis...no exaggeration there...I am bitter, frustrated, angry, sad and mostly heart broken that Zach will not let me in even to be a friend. How do I put aside these feelings and try again the next day if all I can think about is getting pushed away some more. We have some good days, but they are so few and far between. I know he has been through a lot of traumatic events and he is only 10. Please say a prayer for Zach, ask that he be given an abundance of love to share with his parents, ask that he open up and get all those thoughts and feelings out of his heart so he can stop aching, and ask that he'd be given strength to conquer this and come out "ON TOP OF THE WORLD". Say a prayer for me, ask that I'd be given the right kind of love to share with Zach so he understands that I DO love him, and ask that I'd be given strength to conquer this and become the best "BONUS MOM" (not step mom) that I can.

Thank you for taking the time to say a few prayers. Zach and I need them right now!